I’ve always been cautious about my weight. It’s because of the 3 Cs that I have to do so – calories, cholesterol and coronary. And that can all go wrong because of another 3 Cs – culinary, complacency and carelessness.
Trouble is I don’t have the patience, stamina or endurance to stick to a regular regime in order to keep my Body Mass within its proper recommended Index. So I’m in constant need of cautionary indicators for whenever I’m ballooning in a bad way.
Hence, these signs that I’d like to share with those of similar predicament and concern.
You know you need to lose weight when . . .
– neckties no longer hang straight down but stay on one side of your paunch.
– little kids get close to you for shade from the sun.
– you keep walking into glass walls while too preoccupied trying to prove that your elongated reflection was due to distortion.
– you have to turn long vertical mirrors on its side for a truer image of yourself.
– faces on your tee shirt stretch to a smile every time you wear them.
– we need to go round you to see what your tee-shirts are saying.
– you keep adjusting your hair in parked motorcycle mirrors because you’re too embarrassed that you can’t squeeze between them. Or they will fall like dominoes if you do.
– you have to go back to wearing horizontal stripes because vertical ones look like a prisoner has escaped through the bars when you wear them.
– acupuncture makes you look like a whale trying to disguise itself as a porcupine.
– you believe all houses with wooden staircases are haunted because your weight presses them down so much that they take time to snap back and sound like footsteps.
– every staircase you climb reminds you of your visit to Batu Caves.
– mosquitoes withdrawing their proboscis from your skin is like trying to draw out the Sword In The Stone whenever they sting you.
– your car seats are bucket seats to everyone else but you.
– you stop asking if your butt looks big but ask where does your butt begin.