When Caring Becomes A Curse

I’d like to believe that amongst all the people I know, they each have at least someone in their life that profess to care about them. And that they care about too. Be it parent, sibling, child, relative, friend, partner, spouse, mistress, teacher, counselor, colleague, pet . . . Okay, pet’s are more about the delusion of being cared for by a life form that functions primarily on instincts and intuition. Let’s leave that for now.

Yes, we care for each other. We believe that. We like to believe that. We want to believe that. We need to believe that. We even believe that so much that we do not notice it when we behave contrary to what we say to ourselves. Or more importantly, to each other. I’ve noticed some things we do or say to each other, in the name of caring or even love, that seems more vicious than if it was between strangers.

For starters, many of us find ourselves in situations when someone with a love-care affinity with us says or does something to upset us. But instead of trying to appease us over what they said or did, they actually get angry, upset or even disappointed at us in return. For being upset. If you’re as lame as I was decades ago, you would end up trying to appease someone who had actually upset you in the first place. I Lame-O!!! All those years ago.

Another is when you’re angry or feeling down or just feeling uneasy. And the love-care person you’re with just keeps pointing out that you must be angry, down, or just uneasy. At times even to the extents of annoyingly quizzing you about it while you’re in the thick and muck of it. It even appears as if they’re taunting you about feeling that way. Rather than trying to alleviate you out of such a negative disposition. Or coming up with ways to cheer you up. At least strangers just leave you alone. Which is a much preferred option as far as I’m concerned.

Speaking of options, there are situations when there is a 50-50 option on something, and your love-care person gets upset when it’s your 50% option you prefer to choose and not theirs. Instead of understanding or accepting that you have your reasons for preferring your options. And even if you do get a chance to explain your preference, they still need to build a case that it should still be their option that prevails. Perhaps they can only see the good in their option. And they blindly want and/or believe that good for you too. And you’d end up like, “I’m sorry I had an option.” You might just as well apologise that you even had an opinion, while you’re at it.

Of course laying those examples out in that way appears as if it is just the appearance of love n’ care and that they’re not actual love-care relationships. But I actually believe it could still be a proper love-care relationship despite the negative undertones. It’s just the way that it manifests itself that is perverse. As are the reasons I believe underlying them.

A love-care person gets angry at you if you’re upset at something they did or said probably because they see your distraught as an accusation of sorts. That you are accusing them of something bad that made you feel bad. And it was nasty of you to make them that guilty. In short, they are angry at you for being upset because you have indicated that you are the victim of something bad from them. And that to them brings about unfair guilt. Because they care. As they have told themselves. And you.

Second instance is probably just a moronic charade of mindless caring by an idiotic display of empathy. They care. Therefore they show it by indentifying and calling out your pain. Never mind that they don’t bother sparing any grey cells to figure out how to make it better for you. The more douchey amongst them will probably find fault by accusing you of not caring about how they feel because your negativity put a damper on their moods.

I’ll reiterate what the third example was about. It indicates the love-care person who only sees the good in their own options or opinions. And they just want it for you too. Wholesale. Unequivocally. Unanimously. Selfishly.

So it is a bona fide love-care relationship after all. It’s just that there is more love-care for oneself than there actually is for the other person.  And I don’t recommend making a habit out of such relationships. Because chances are, the habit won’t be yours.