Deconstructing Doldrums Detours Depression

Merchandising plug here & here

It took me almost 8 years before I resumed this blog. It was a slow spiral downwards during most of those years. What got me through was my aversion to the doldrums I imagined behind the image of a person depressed being a person in the dark, doing nothing. So conversely, I decided to actively and aggressively avoid the cliche.

I was disenfranchised from family. So I started socialising more than a confirmed wallflower like me would ever have. And I found that folks who have no idea of my background or my baggage would take to me quite easily, and have me in their fold almost instantly. That eventually led to me taking my guitars out of their cases and getting the strings ready with the right action to rock. And it was a matter of time before I’d spend weekdays learning stuff for weekend jams at the various clubs and events I get invited to. I even got to have my own band. Nicrophenia.

I would make promotional flyers as if they were live album covers.

And this was with a background of failing finances, fading funds and a barely progressing professional practice. But I had those moments on stage, no matter how fleeting, giving me enough of a rush to keep my nervous system balanced for other responsibilities along with their difficulties.

And things just kept getting worse. Soon I needed a new up to keep me going. This time it was going to be working on my physical self. So as the spiral winded further downwards, I started HIIT, jogging, understood ketosis, autophagy, even quit smoking after having started again a couple of years earlier.

I just love it when commitment brings about the desired results

And I feel to be in a better place than I’ve ever been. Have things got better around me? Not really. But my attitude towards them have. And with that, their nature transformed within my perspective. They’re no longer as intimidating. Nor are things as hopeless as they once appeared to be. Because I refuse to be helpless. And the first help I reached out for was from me.

Stop The Press!

Watched a YouTube vid on Quantity over Quality. My personal reading of it would be about how to not just be overly concerned about always producing quality. But constantly produce quantity. Somehow the quality within will shine for itself. And of course, quantity sharpens the skills exponentially.

Along with that, I read about the infinite monkey theorem this morning. [Though I’m not entirely certain why I feel that relates to this.] And immediately it was STOP THE PRESS! Literally! And painted this out on my iPad without overthinking, double-guessing or just plain-assuming.

I‘m the caffeinator with my little percolator

21:21, 21.01.2021

I actually scheduled for this to be published 21:21hrs on the 21st January 2021. [Hence the title. Doink!] But nothing! I’m actually looking at the side panel that says it’d publish then. That’s almost a week ago. Oh well, WordPress.


Leave me alone before the fireworks burst

Before the hugs and the kisses, and all the best wishes

Just leave me the one glass and a half-filled carafe

And take yourself away to join all the rest

There’s probably numbers I can call

There’s people I can face

But I feel just so appalled

Every effort doomed to waste

I feel unfettered. But my mind’s all cluttered

I’m standing still. But feel unsettled

So many choices of how to be

So many options for just being me

I have no fitting character

For these circumstances

Nothing in the nether

Nothing in past tenses

Perhaps it’s time to invent a new person

Who’ll give form to this dysfunction

A shape from my imagination

And reboot myself as a work of fiction