It took me almost 8 years before I resumed this blog. It was a slow spiral downwards during most of those years. What got me through was my aversion to the doldrums I imagined behind the image of a person depressed being a person in the dark, doing nothing. So conversely, I decided to actively and aggressively avoid the cliche.
I was disenfranchised from family. So I started socialising more than a confirmed wallflower like me would ever have. And I found that folks who have no idea of my background or my baggage would take to me quite easily, and have me in their fold almost instantly. That eventually led to me taking my guitars out of their cases and getting the strings ready with the right action to rock. And it was a matter of time before I’d spend weekdays learning stuff for weekend jams at the various clubs and events I get invited to. I even got to have my own band. Nicrophenia.
And this was with a background of failing finances, fading funds and a barely progressing professional practice. But I had those moments on stage, no matter how fleeting, giving me enough of a rush to keep my nervous system balanced for other responsibilities along with their difficulties.
And things just kept getting worse. Soon I needed a new up to keep me going. This time it was going to be working on my physical self. So as the spiral winded further downwards, I started HIIT, jogging, understood ketosis, autophagy, even quit smoking after having started again a couple of years earlier.
And I feel to be in a better place than I’ve ever been. Have things got better around me? Not really. But my attitude towards them have. And with that, their nature transformed within my perspective. They’re no longer as intimidating. Nor are things as hopeless as they once appeared to be. Because I refuse to be helpless. And the first help I reached out for was from me.