I Live Behind My Eyes

I hear myself having to explain that ever so often. For instance, on vanity. I don’t know how vanity about personal looks could be a thing. I go about the days not knowing how I appear to others because I live behind my eyes. I do not know what I look like. And when I do get to look at an inverted image of myself in the mirror, I’d try to improve to look as good as I imagine the perfect passport photo would look like. The moment I leave the glance, I feel the forces around me shifting and crumpling things out of place. And I’d go on with only a past recent impression of what I look like, but can never be sure. Because I live behind my eyes. I do not see what others see about me.

When I realise that I am going against advice I dish out to others, it’s because I can only see others at fault. But not myself with the same fault. Because I live behind my eyes. I can see what I don’t like in the action of others. While being oblivious that I am prone to the same actions and expressions myself. When I come across self-improvement tips, a few names that could benefit from such knowledge easily come to mind. But I’m not on the list. Because I never see myself with similar shortcomings. Only others. Always others. Never me.